Watching my brother die, more than and over once again

This has become an extremely hard week as my household and that i sit in 3rd Judicial District Courtroom in Las Cruces, New Mexico watching and listening towards the testimony and proof offered against the guy accused of killing my small brother. This is the very first of a number of months to come and that i doubt it is going to get less complicated.

As you might currently know, my brother Deputy Jeremy Martin (#SFSO40) with all the Santa Fe Sheriff's Office, was shot inside the back soon after an argument using a fellow deputy (allegedly) right after a night on the town.
Incorporating to the complexity of this deep pain is my honest love of my country and my enjoy of justice. I think with all my becoming inside the civil liberties this great country affords its citizens. Fantastic males and women have fought and sacrificed to protect and guarantee these liberties. We're so privileged.
Civil liberty and justice. You actually can�t have one without another.
I enjoy that a man is harmless until verified responsible and wholeheartedly agree with all the authorized burden being on the state to prove guilt. I respect the need to have for any sterile courtroom in the see on the jury, comprised of our peers. I deeply regard an impartial decide guaranteeing all testimony is provided firsthand plus a extensive file produced and managed.
Despite the fact that a bit much more tough, I also regard the authorized defense and the guys and ladies who decide on to believe (or at the least represent anyway) the accused celebration and battle for his or her rights.
I most surely don�t usually agree with all the courtroom and that i desperately want to get up and talk out about the insanity of what I hear presented as some edition of �truth�.
But I don�t. I can�t. I'm naturally biased and i did not witness firsthand the occasions of that fateful evening.
The 29 many years I understood my brother, the text messages and Snapchat exchanges of that evening, countless conversations and time with each other we shared along with the totality of my ordeals of and with him more than our life time with each other doesn't rely. They may be rumour at best and therefore not admissible. And albeit, at the least in the eyes on the court, my view on the make a difference ahead of it does not make a difference. And unfortunately (and with so much regret), I had been not there.
So I sit. Minding my manners and behaving, trying desperately not to be disruptive towards the court docket by keeping my pain in check. My tears are well concealed guiding my box of tissue. And i permit my mother to squeeze what tiny emotion I've still left out of my hand.
I pay attention. As witnesses are reduced to of course and no solutions usually without becoming permitted to elaborate as lawyers do their best to ask non-leading queries in drawing out the details on the tale. Numerous telling me later they wished they could have said far more.
And i observe. As images of my brother�s bullet-riddled body are proven. And pictures in the bloody scene shown and discussed. Audio and video clip such as the final times of his life and also the heroic efforts of the initial responders within the futile attempt to save his daily life.
Witness following witness describing as best they could the things they saw and listened to. Most otherwise all having by no means been in this kind of a traumatic and nerve-racking scenario. Their nerves and feelings shot. Their memory and comprehension not able to help keep up. A reality the defense will continue to draw for the focus from the jury. With every single little discrepancy picked aside.
A lot of life introduced with each other at one time as one particular quite younger life was coming to an end. It really is apparent they as well are hurting. Many cry.
The result is usually a choppy narrative and confusion (at the very least initially) as I as well as the jury do our very best to piece together what really happened.
Painfully, the man accused sits there, just several feet away. No discernable emotion or expression in my view. Perhaps he is following instruction. Perhaps he cares, or perhaps he does not. I question he'll testify. Consequently, we may possibly by no means know.
And even though I desperately desire to protect my brother�s honor, I'll not interact with all the defendant and I will believe in the program. The Martin men are males of integrity, courage, and general public service. We fight justly.
That is certainly without doubt the honor my brother would want defended.
It's painfully obvious to me my child brother wasn't afforded exactly the same sterile and neutral environment when he fought for his daily life. He did not have a possibility after the gunfire started. And that hurts. He deserved much better.
In the finish on the trial, it's as much as a bunch of strangers to determine. To choose which tale they believe. And in what is just within their minds.
I pray I am able to live with whatever they make a decision. I realize I'll have too.
That is right after all, why we are here.